A Transformational Approach to Forgiveness
The F word carries a lot of weight!
Some see the F word as a negative word while others see it as perfectly acceptable. However you view it, it’s a very necessary word and idea.
The F word I’m referring to might not be the one that initially came to your mind.
F = Forgiveness
Forgiveness is something we all need to get comfortable with in order to live a life that feels aligned. It may feel uncomfortable at times, but the more we practice, the more natural it will become.
Letting go of what no longer serves us makes space for what we want to manifest in our lives.
Sometimes we withhold our forgiveness from people because we believe they do not deserve it. Withholding forgiveness does more harm to us than it does to the other person. Forgiveness to others and forgiveness to self are two necessary components for growth and peace.
Embarking on a transformational journey
When you embark on a transformational journey, one of the first things you need to do is make space for the new things you’re bringing into your life. A way to do that is to release old hurts, old wounds, and old resentments. Forgiveness is a necessary step in moving forward.
Think of your resentments and hurts as items you no longer use but are still crowding up your space.
Visualize a closet in your home or apartment that is full of old clothes or excess stuff. You’ve outgrown these items, and don’t align with them any longer, yet you keep them hanging around. Every time you open this closet you’re reminded of these items that no longer make you feel good. You decide one day you want a change and you want to acquire new items that better represent the person you are today.
You must make an intentional choice to face the old items in that closet and decide to take them out to make room for the new. It may not feel easy to part with these items, as we tend to be creatures of habit, but you know you’re doing something that will ultimately benefit you in the long run. You make the choice to do what feels aligned with your higher self. Resentment, anger, and old hurts are very similar to these items. They take up space, don’t feel good, and remind us of the pain we endured, over and over again, every time we open that proverbial closet.
Forgiveness is the act of cleaning out our internal closet. Letting go of the emotions that no longer serve us and letting in space for what it is we want.
You may be cringing reading this, thinking “I am not telling that person I’m sorry.” The good news is, you don’t have to involve anybody else if you don’t want to. This is for you only. Forgiveness can be an inside job.
Try this forgiveness exercise:
- Take out a notebook, journal, or something to write on
- Find a writing implement you enjoy writing with
- Close your eyes for a moment and take a few deep breaths
- Set the intention to connect with your highest self
- Begin free writing, without worrying about grammar, punctuation, etc
- Start the forgiveness exercise by writing out who you forgive and why.
- Examples could be, “I forgive my spouse for leaving his socks on the floor” “I forgive my kids for slamming the door when they leave the house in the morning” “I forgive my boss for being hard on us at work” “I forgive my parents for yelling too much when I was growing up.”
- Next you want to make sure you include things you forgive yourself for. Examples could be, “I forgive myself for my negative self-talk” “I forgive myself for not eating as healthy as I say I want to” “ I forgive myself for not always sticking to my goals” “I forgive myself for feeling unworthy.”
- Be sure to let yourself run wild with this exercise, not censoring anything that comes to mind. Write it all out knowing that nobody will ever see this. Get as deep as you feel called to go.
- When you’re finished, you’re going to destroy this. This is your declaration that you’re done with these things, and you’re letting them go. You can burn the paper if you have a safe space to do that, such as a fireplace or firepit outdoors. You can tear it up into shreds and throw it away. You can run it under water and watch the paper dissolve, then throw in the garbage. You can stomp on it, or do whatever you’d like before disposing of the papers.
- Lastly, take a deep breath in, hold it for a few moments, then release a large audible sigh out through your mouth when you exhale. Repeat this 3 more times. Visualize breathing in all that you want, and visualize exhaling all that no longer serves you. Make space for what you want in your life.
This exercise is one I revisit from time to time to let go of issues I may have stored inside. It doesn’t involve anyone other than me, and can be done as often as necessary.
Another forgiveness exercise to try is a visualization technique that involves “cutting the energetic cord” to those people or instances in your life that no longer serve you.
Cutting the energetic cord exercise:
- Find a comfortable space that you can safely relax and close your eyes
- Take a few deeps breaths and begin to relax
- Set the intention to allow forgiveness to flow in and out of your heart
- Visualize a stage before you, and see someone you want to forgive walk to the center of that stage.
- Visualize them holding a golden ribbon in their left hand that extends all the way to you as you’re sitting in the front row of the auditorium. You have a pair of golden scissors in your dominant hand and the other end of their ribbon in your non dominant hand.
- Look at them in their eyes as they stand on that stage, send them love, forgive them for whatever they’ve done to you, then lovingly release any resentment, anger, frustration, and such.
- When you feel you’re ready, visualize cutting the golden ribbon you’re both holding, signifying “cutting the energetic cord” between the two of you. This release illustrates your intention to let go and forgive.
- Repeat this visualization with each person you wish to forgive as they one by one walk onto that stage.
- If you want to forgive yourself, see You up there and repeat these steps.
- If there was a younger version of yourself you’d like to forgive, see that version of you and repeat the steps.
Both of these exercises have been powerful tools for me and my coaching clients, and I hope you give one or both a try.
Forgiveness isn’t condoning bad behavior, it is releasing ourselves from the energetic choke hold of a past situation.
Forgiveness isn’t forgetting, it is a way to allow ourselves the space to grow past what may have held us back at one point.
Forgiveness is peace. Forgiveness is love. Forgiveness is God. We are all one of one, and whatever higher power you believe in, forgiveness is that.
Give yourself the gift of peace by allowing yourself to experiment with forgiveness.
If it feels hard at first, allow yourself grace, and try again another time. Know the act of forgiveness is a gift you give yourself and nobody else has to be a part of it.
Even if the person you’re forgiving doesn’t necessarily deserve your forgiveness, do it anyway for yourself. Don’t let someone else’s out of balance energy affect yours. Don’t give your power and your peace away. Guard it like you would your most valuable treasure, as your peace is just that.
It is essential to forgive
This idea of forgiveness is one that took me many years to digest. I had a hard time with it at first, and it felt very uncomfortable to me. The more I sat with it and the more I realized how necessary it was to my growth and peace, the more I experimented with it. The results have been life changing for me.
My mom, who passed away when I was 28, was one of the first people to really teach me about forgiveness, amongst other things. She told me I didn’t always know what others were going through and not to hold eternal hatred or anger toward those who did me wrong. As a young girl I didn’t want to hear any of this, but as I evolved physically, mentally, and spiritually, I totally get it now. Who am I to judge another? Who am I to say others won’t make mistakes? Who am I to say I won’t make a mistake? We are all on this journey together, and it won’t always be easy, but if we can learn to keep our hearts open and not harbor anger and resentment, we can make our experience here so much better.
My wish in this lifetime is to help others cultivate and live a life that feels aligned. I believe this one shift to forgiveness is a step in that direction because I have gone through this myself. Even when forgiveness feels hard, I know the outcome is worth it.
Honor your feelings
Even though forgiveness is key, you must first honor your feelings and experience them. I am an advocate of going through the stages of every emotion. Don’t push feelings under the rug, as they will emerge when you least expect them. Once you fully experience your emotions and feel ready to start the forgiveness journey, you’ll find great relief and comfort in knowing you no longer have to be a victim to anything anyone has done to you. You can choose to forgive (not forget) and cut the energetic cord that will prevent the other person from stealing anymore of your time, space, energy, peace, or emotions. You will begin to set yourself free and it feels amazing!!!
Give forgiveness a try when you feel ready. Be gentle and loving with yourself, and as always, give yourself grace.
I would love to hear from you if you try these exercises, or if you have anything you’ve done that has worked for you.
Affirmations to use today:
“I am open to Forgiveness”
“I am ready to align with my highest self”
“I am one of one”
“I am in control of my feelings”
“I am able to forgive myself and others”
“I am able to forgive myself and others”
“I am able to forgive myself and others”
“I am letting go of all that no longer serves me”
“I am taking my power back”
“I am co-creating a life that feels good”
“I am ready”
“I am love”
“I am all that I say I am”
And so it is!
Have a wonderful day friends!
Love and light to you!
Jillian Laudano
Jillian Laudano LLC
Holistic Life Coach
Jillianlaudano.com
Support@jillianlaudano.com